Junior Year Blues Series: Change

We use this word in many scenarios and in almost every sentences at the end of each year, and yet the meaning behind the word is almost always lost on us.

“Change is imminent.” “Change is a part of life.” “Change to be better.” “Change yourself and change the world.”

“Change. Change. Change. CHANGE.”

What is change really?
Do I change to be better? What’s wrong with who I was before that now “I’m better”?
Is changing myself related to changing the world? Do I make the world better if I change?

I have noticed the past few weeks that I have stopped doing certain actions or behaviors in my life that most people would deem as “bad” or “self-destructive.”

Is this me changing to be “better”?

I don’t really know what I’m trying to accomplish by writing about it cause this just popped into my head when I was getting ready to sleep and it kept going on repeat through my mind like a riddle, and I hate riddles. I am never smart enough to solve any riddles and I hate that I can’t solve.

Anyway. My point is, am I changing because I’m evolving and becoming fitter to survive in this dog-eat-dog world, or I’m trying to change so that I will become a person who the society approve of as “better person” and in turns, I’m contributing to the world we live in by being “better.”

This is very interesting for me because I can never figure out what I’m trying to express when I say the words, “I’m trying to change myself.” or “I have changed a lot in the past few months.”

Maybe, I am expressing both.

Maybe I mean – “I’m trying to change myself so that I’m fitter to face anything and to be a better person than I was yesterday so that, as small as I may be, I can make some impact to the world we live in.”

But isn’t this such a pretentious and self-absorbed thing to say?

Lol, I don’t really know anymore.


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