image 5 Years

My family lost our hero 5 years ago today. He was a great husband to my mom; supportive brother to my aunties and uncles; the best father to my sister and I; the fun uncle to my cousins; and an amazing grand-father to my niece.

It hasn’t been an easy journey that all us have walked on since then.

5 years of great loss; unbearable grief and pain; uncontrollable anger and depression; constant guilt eating me from inside and out.

I started this walk with

“It’s not real. It’s not.”

And moved on to

“This is not fair. Why do I have to live through this?!”

to

“This is my fault. If I had done things which my parents advised, then he might have had more time.”

Later, it was just months and months of hating myself and thinking I don’t deserve to be alive instead of him.

Then, I started to realize that I can’t just give up. My dad always used to tell my sister that:

“We are taught to live and struggle… not to surrender. Even when we lose, we still have to struggle.” 

Losing loved ones is one of the hardest things I have experienced. It has changed my life for the better and worse.

I want to thank my father for being who he was when he was alive and for giving all of us strength to live on in his absence as well.

Even though, it was 5 years of struggles…

it was also 5 years of finding myself; facing many realities; and accepting life as it is.

I miss you dad.

Thank you for being our hero, always and forever.

#20thAugust2011

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