I said last year that 2014 was a year of learning and 2015 was a year of adjustment… so what is 2016…
I honestly don’t know.
This year taught me a lot about people around me and how much I spent so much time and energy on people who don’t deserve and how much I should have spent more on people who have been here since forever.
This year showed me there are always people in your life – both family and friends – who will treat you like you’re disposable and it’s on me – my choice – to decide whether to walk away or not: it’s not on them.
This year showed me that empathy and sincerity are lost concepts.
This year showed me that I don’t know how to receive help or ask for help because I’m afraid of being seen as weak or being rejected – especially by my loved ones. And I would carry all the load and one day, I couldn’t handle it anymore and I would break down and lashed out and pushed everyone away.
My guilty conscience is still alive and well since Aug 2011 and this affects my life more than ever because I believe that I don’t deserve any good things in my life. If I have good things being handed to me without myself working hard for it, I will instantly doubt everything and feel guilty about it.
I guess, 2016 was a year of discovery.
Thank for teaching me more about myself and people, 2016!